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Sunday, December 04, 2011

The stages of dying

When my dad was dying, hospice gave us a guide about the process.  I know it sounds morbid, but it was incredibly helpful and in many ways a true gift.  And it helped us again several weeks later when my husband's mom was passing away from pancreatic cancer.  Death from cancer or any terminal illness is normally preceded by certain physical changes. Knowing what to look for, helps us cope with the process. Understanding this process helps to calm fears and assuage anxiety.

Different Pace

A sudden decline in health may herald the beginning of the end. This decline is often marked by damage or failure in parts of the body.

Distance

Death is the instant that a person leaves this world and moves into the next. When a person has a terminal sickness, death is often preceded by a stage of separation from the physical world and closeness to the spiritual world. This separation may be seen by a lack of desire to indulge in worldly pastimes and an interest in planning a memorial service and setting affairs in order.
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Sleep

Sleep begins to take up more and more time. At first a familiar voice will rouse the person but eventually it may seem they are unconscious. Dreams and visions of God and heaven are common at this stage. Even if the person is unresponsive, keep communicating, touching and expressing love.

Appetite

As body systems shut down, food becomes less important. Instead of forcing the issue, offer cool, juicy foods such as ice cream, yoghurt, jell-o and fruit smoothies.

Energy

As death approaches the person may have a decreased response to the world. Occasionally there may be a final burst of energy but this is usually short-lived.

Skin

A whole range of skin changes can occur as the body shuts down. It may become clammy or flushed, turn grey/blue in color or develop blotchy patches.
Pulse and blood pressure can become erratic during the last few days. This can cause emotional side-effects and the patient may have outbursts of anger and grief. Don’t take these personally.

Body Systems

Digestion and elimination are among the first to cease. The body may prepare for death by a profuse amount of elimination. If the heart is struggling to pump properly, it can result in swelling of the extremities or in the lungs. Suction can ease the breathing in this case. Shaking is a common effect of the systems shutting down and the best treatment is to hold the person close.

Eyes

When a person is dying, the eyes may remain open and seem to become glassy and stare. It may appear that the loved one sees something in the distance and may even reach out towards this vision. When the eyes are glassy and fixed, death normally occurs within hours.

Hearing and Touch

Hearing normally remains intact to the end so use touch and talk as the end draws near. Even if the person is unable to respond, the contact will be of great comfort.

Breathing

As death approaches, the breathing rate will slow drastically with breaths being far apart. While the breathing is quiet and gentle, death is normally not imminent. As death does approach, breathing may become labored with the person gasping for air. A low throaty gurgling is common and is often referred to as the death rattle. These breaths will slow and come further and further apart until the final breath is taken
Death is something common to all mankind, but not something that most people are familiar with. If a loved one has a terminal disease, it can bring comfort and strength to the family to understand the final stages they are likely to pass through. It will also enable them to support the loved one in the best way possible.
Recommended reading: May I walk you Home by Melody Rossi, Bethany House Publishers, 2007

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