BEING DISEASE FREE WAS NOT GOOD ENOUGH

In a galaxy far far away (not so long ago), I was sick.  Very sick.  Sick as in “lets-have-the-conversation-about-my-funeral-with-my-husband” sick.

Fortunately, after lots of stuff got pumped into my body, after many hospital stays, blood transfusions and scary moments I was declared DISEASE FREE, or as they say in cancerland  ”NED” (no evidence of disease).

The journey that brought me from stage IV cancer to disease free was finished.  I was told to go on with my life.

During the months of treatment I kept dreaming of that moment, about hearing the words.  The day came and I felt everything but healthy.

I was finally disease free.  My body had evicted the unwelcome cancer, but how come I did not feel healthy?
I wanted to regain my health and vibrancy.  I wanted energy.  I wanted the pain to be gone. I wanted to feel womanly and sexy. I wanted to run and feel strong. I wanted life.

But how?

The first step towards health was clearing my mind through meditation.   I learned how to live in the PRESENT and that allowed me to stop crying over my past, grieving about what cancer had taken away,  and as importantly,  I also stopped worrying about my future, which in my case included a high chance of a relapse and all the “what if’s” that would follow.

Make no mistake, by surrendering my future and fears it did not mean that I was not going to actively take care of my well-being.  I knew there were steps I could take to reduce my risks of a relapse and to make my survivorship the best possible one.

My well meaning doctors wanted to give me pills, lots of it.  I did not want them anymore.

By learning how to be truly present, I started actively practicing gratitude for that moment.

Taking care of my health and mind allowed me that healthy present moment.

I knew I also needed a diet and lifestyle change.

Chemo left so much “leftovers”.  I developed a clotting disorder; I had hands and feet neuropathy.  I ached.  I was tired.  I was moody. I was absent minded.

I knew by providing my body the proper nutrition, my body could then heal itself naturally.

And so it did.

I threw away everything that I knew about nutrition and I re-learned what eating well meant. I de-constructed what my body needed. I eliminated. And then I put it back.  I discarded  the notion that I needed to count and measure everything.  I welcomed food groups that had become foreign to me.

I slept. I rested. I slowed down. I redefined success and fortune.

I avoided negativity and drama. I practiced self-care. I moved my body. I cooked.

I forgave. I loved.

I knew my body was unique and that it needed an unique approach.  It took time and patience  but I feel better than ever.

Better than before.

Like my favorite definition of health goes: “ Health is a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.”

After many years being disease free, I finally feel healthy.


with deep gratitude to the people that held my hand and continue to do so,

xo

From the "The Nourishing Seed" Blog. Click here to read more about being disease free and finding more.